Locked In
It was a sunny Friday in New York. A girl named Allison had detention
along with five other kids for some unknown reason. Their punishment was to do
chores around the school. Allison had to restock the janitor’s closet, so she
walked to the janitor’s closet with a bunch of supplies in her hands. When she
got to the closet someone pushed her in and then the lock clicked and she was trying to find a way out but she
found nothing, so she started to yell, “HELP! I’M STUCK IN THE JANITOR’S
CLOSET!” Someone opened the door and she ran off to her car.
I think you should mention who opened the door instead of saying someone so it should go like Bob opened the door instead of just someone
ReplyDeleteI think you should have said Allison had to restock the janitors closet. She walked to the janitors closet with a bunch of supplies in her hands. Overall it is a great story!
ReplyDeletethe last sentence doesn't make much sense I think you should change it to someone opened the door and she thanked the person then ran back to class. Other then that it was an amazing story!
ReplyDeleteMaybe , instead of saying
ReplyDeleteShe yelled "HELP! I'M STUCK IN THE JAINTORS CLOSET "
You should say
She then yelled at the top of her lungs , '' HELP! I'M STUCK IN THE JANITORS CLOSET "
But that's up to you other than that it's a great story
nice story! the only thing you should change in the story, is in the first sentence when you siad " it is a sunny Friday in New York. you should change the f of friday in to smaller case
ReplyDeleteI think there should be a comma between sunny and Friday in the first sentence
ReplyDeleteSo like this It was a sunny, Friday in New York. You can also add sunny, Friday afternoon if you want
trying this out
ReplyDelete